ear admin, I thought one of the things that strengthen marriages was learning to keep things between couples, however, this wasn’t the story in my marriage.
We have been married for just eight months. But my wife in my absence will discuss in an incredible detail every single conversation we have had concerning our lives and marriages, earlier, with her younger sister, and later, her auntie. When I say she communicates, I mean, every single subject except the number and times we have sex and maybe, the food we eat. Let me tell you a bit about me and her, and later how we met and the developments thereafter.
I, out of curiosity got a woman pregnant sometime in 2012. Though I was unemployed then, I insisted she keeps the pregnancy. She delivered a beautiful girl in June 2014. Because this lady went through cesarean section during birth, I didn’t want her to do anything hard work. She was in the house for four years whilst I took care of her and the child. I didn’t know this that I thought was to be a sigh of relief for the mother became my worry. I would go back to town after work to buy food at times before I eat. Not that she was busy with the small girl because the small girl started schooling when she was 2 years. The home was in many cases left unkempt, [she will only sweep the hall, leave the bedroom for weeks without cleaning, and cobwebs on the fan was nothing] and if you complain, she would reply in equal measure. Getting to the later part of our relationship, I will come back home to here Becca’s track, “Obi Begye Me Ama Wasu” on auto-repeat. After complaining time without number, we agreed we go our separate ways. Her family asked that I pay Gh5,000 as compensation but I was reduced to Gh3,500. I paid all that with my six-month salary. Everything ended up sometime February 2016. She left with the small girl but sometime in August 2016, I went for her because she was falling sick often and I also honestly doubted her mother’s child training skills.
Meeting my new wife
Now, in May 2016 I met my wife [now contemplating of a divorce]. That’s three months after breakup with first daughter’s mom. I have been seeing her at work at this computer shop. I introduced my small girl to her, and it was at her office the small girl will wait for me after school till I pick her at 5pm after work. On May 2017 [after a year], we officially married at age 32 and 33. I must be sincere to say that, my wife to be was four months pregnant at the time we had our wedding. But everything went alright during the ceremony.
Supporting her family
By August 2018, my wife’s younger brother’s WASSCE results had come, and he had relatively good grades. Knowing my wife’s mother had passed away even before we met and the father jobless, I knew this young man could not get any support to further his education. I stepped in to secure admission for him to offer Electrical Engineering at the Takoradi Technical University. I paid his admission fee and decided to give him Gh50 every Sunday to use as transport fair and feeding. It wasn’t enough, but it was what I could afford because my own younger brother had also completed WASSCE same year and had gotten admission at KNUST to study medical imaging. The cost was also on me. For him, I managed to get a scholarship for him which was going to take care of many of the things that would have been my worry. Remember my woman was 7 months pregnant too same time.
I also applied for another scholarship programme from a different institution for my wife’s brother. To secure the admission, I had to cough nearly Gh5, 000 in order to settle key people who matter so he could get the full package throughout his education. I applied for a loan using my salary as collateral from our office so I could get the money. The scholarship for him had delayed and so I was paying everything including the weekly Gh50. The small girl was with us, and either I or my wife will dress her up weekly for class. Everything seemed normal after the wedding. I thought it was time we should have started bonding more together. But, how wrong I was! That’s where my headache began.
Secret information leaks
My wife, after the slightest disagreement, will call her younger sister and narrate everything to her. She will speak with a tone that paints a very bad picture of me towards those she is complaining to. Besides, this younger sister had also developed the habit of coming to the house without my notice but of her sister. You will close from work to meet her sitting at the hall staring at my face. I proposed that henceforth before any person from either my side or her comes for a visit, each of us should be in the known for at least 4 days. When she was communicating the new decision to her family, I was painted in such a bad taste that best fits a character who doesn’t want people.
I become suspicious
In mid-September, I became suspicious of her calls because she would stop her call on the phone when she sees me coming. You try to find out and she wouldn’t tell you. Out of suspicion, I installed a called recorder app on her phone that would email her recorded conversations to my phone on demand. The first few recordings I got were very heart-wrenching. The way her younger sister and aunt have been describing me in their conversations and how my wife adds up to it got me very dumb for close to a week. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t how to ask her about it. Thought of how on earth my wedded wife will sell me off to her family in that manner was a silent killer. I mustered the courage to ask her if she sends the house conversation to external people and she outrightly denied it. There were other conversations that kept coming. I again asked but she denied same. I told her uncle, who led our wedding of the development. A meeting was scheduled between us in their family home. When I played everything from the laptop to the hearing of my wife, the uncle and her two aunties, all she could do was to weep and apologize. We are all humans, so I forgot everything and let it slide. After all, she was 8 months pregnant too.
Caught on tape again, damning revelations!
In November, one month after giving birth, I chance on another conversation between my wife, her sister and her auntie that convinces me this relationship is going nowhere.
They were two subjects in that conversation. First was on my five-year-old daughter and second on the new baby.
In the latter part of September 2018, my former woman wanted my small girl to live with her. It was a decision I dreaded because of her mother’s disregard for speaking the simple truth. She will lie and tell the small girl to lies as well on issues when we were together. She would allow the small girl in next door neighbour’s room and found nothing wrong with her playing with a small girl all close persons in our estate knew was badly raised. So I dreaded this call. She took the demand to the next level when she sent the matter to social welfare. In all this, my wife had ‘stood behind me’ to prevent this switch. She will say “this will badly affect her education and the mannerism we are instilling in her”. Unknown to me, these were all lies.
The Social Welfare after a single meeting on the hearing both parties decided that the small girl goes to live with her mother “because she is only 5”. I insisted this decision was to satisfy her mother’s egos and not in the interest of the mother. But, that’s a state body, so despite taking the matter to a family tribunal at the Sekondi District Court, the judges upheld the Social Welfare position but with me taking charge of her education.
When I communicated this decision with my wife, she shared a tear to express her disappointments. As part of the new arrangements, I was to take care of everything the girl needed in her education, and that included feeding.
Thinking that my wife was passionate about my small girl, I agreed that we will prepare her breakfast and launch from our side and give to her school bus for the small girl weekly. My woman agreed it was going to save us money because if we were to send these monies to her mother, it may end up just like a neighbour’s case at the estate.
Unknown to me, my wife had communicated every single conversation that had taken place on this with every person in her family. My wife had secretly told her aunty in the conversation that she really prayed that God performs a miracle so my small girl’s mother comes for her. “I was always worried how I was going to manage her and my baby”.
Her aunty had described me as a miser in the conversation [because I am not giving monies to my former woman to feed my daughter] and had suggested that my wife deliberately oversleeps often so there wouldn’t be food for the small girl when her school bus comes around. “He [referring to me] will be worried when you constantly fail the small girl to get him to stop this miser culture”. I was shocked this was carefully executed as I had to be preparing the food and sending it to her school bus often. I felt she was genuinely tired so I stepped in whilst stopping the research I used to do for my work at dawn in those situations. Till date, she doesn’t know I have intercepted that conversation. The lesson I learnt in the conversation is how she pretends to be my helper whilst she secretly executes their tactics. Remember how I have wholeheartedly been taking care of her brother at the university. What baffles me is how my wife, in a mild voice, will inquire about my small girl. I get stunned and remain quite for hours pondering over how betrayed I feel.
I terminate education support
On December 21st, I called her brother in the university to announce my discontinuation of funding his education after his first semester. My wife, after receiving the news from his brother came weeping. She says it is a disgrace to her and her family so I should continue, but I insisted it’s my final decision.
I was even shocked the more to learn that in another conversation, she had planned with her younger sister how she would go around this whole apology strategy. To that extent, I asked myself. I was basically naked in my home. Everything is discussed with her family!
I haven’t told her what is really informing my position. She keeps kneeling and pleading, which has been something not new in many occasions. She will mess up and will always resort to this regular cliché of “forgive me”.
Next subject in the conversation was how they [my wife and aunty] had planned to feed our new baby boy with cowbell milk on my blind side. My wife had earlier complained that the small boy squeezes her breast milk so much so she wants to introduce baby foods. I rejected on the grounds that, it’s too early and that we can start that when he is 3 months.
But in their conversation, the aunty told her to introduce the cowbell drink when I am away for work. Her aunt’s reason for this covert move was that it will help my wife have a nice body when she is ready to start work again.
To be honest, I decided not to look for cowbell sachets in the house but on December 31, I discovered that a used cowbell sachet was in the dustbin.
I seek divorce
I feel betrayed at this point. I feel I cannot live with a woman who lacks self-respect and cannot be trusted. I think I need a divorce from a sinister woman and her family.
Listen to their conversation below: